It's a Trap!: Or, Those Flaws You Found in the Second Death Star Battle? Yeah, They Don't Exist

As you all know by the pun that you keep reading on your walls/feeds/chalkboards/whatevers, yesterday was Star Wars day. There are few fictional workings in my life that have molded me into the person I am more than Star Wars, and I know for a fact that I am not alone in this. I have decided to fight through my laziness and finally post a second blog the day after the day of days, May 4th. As all of my friends and anyone else who read my last entry know, I like to nerd-rage. However, I would like to take a different route this time around. Instead of using Star Wars Day to rip into the prequels or certain choices made by billion dollar corporations involving editing established canon, I would actually like to use it to defend against uneducated jabs at one of my favorite sequences in the whole saga...

I just love the Battle of Endor. I have yet to be wowed as I was and am by this scene by any other large scale sci-fi space battle. So many amazingly designed ships engaging in an all-out battle for the future of their fictional realm, and to top it all off, the majority of the scenes are done with practical effects (see my last post). However, I don't know if people are trying to be funny by outsmarting a movie where someone learns space magic from a Muppet or if they honestly think they are the next Ebert, but it gets old fast.

The three jokes/complaints I hear about this amazing scene are as follows...

1) Why would they build another Death Star? That's just lazy writing.

2) Yeah right! A hole big enough for ships to fit in? What a joke!

3) Why does that even make sense for the Super Star Destroyer to crash into the Death Star? They're in space. How stupid!



Yeah. I've heard these complaints before while trying to enjoy the piece of art known as Return of the Jedi. And ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, proper responses to these rather dull-witted remarks.

Here goes nothin'

1) Two Death Stars: Alright, so certain individuals have tried to call out the fact that the Empire was in the act of making a second Death Star by saying it is lazy writing. How about this: it's actually smart writing. Yep, it is indeed the opposite of just a stupid rehash. Put yourself in the Empire's shoes for just one second; you have what is essentially a manufactured moon that you can fly around the galaxy and use to destroy planets known to associate with the Rebels without losing a single Stormtrooper but it is destroyed because of one oversight and the space magic I mentioned before. So, where do you go from there? I don't know, maybe build a bigger and better version of the most powerful thing in the galaxy that no longer has those weaknesses? Saying that it's weak writing because the Empire is just trying to fix its mistakes for a second go around is like saying you it's weak writing when you type up a final draft of a paper after someone edits the first draft for you. Except instead of a red pen they used proton torpedoes... And millions of people died...

The Face of a Murderer

Let's get back to the topics at hand and move on to the second point.

2) Why would they leave a hole in it big enough for the Falcon: Right off the bat I want to harken back to the last point. The Empire was trying to cover its mistakes from the last go around so the Rebel Alliance knew they would have to strike at the station before it was finished being constructed. And that's just it, it was still under construction! See, I don't know the specifics of creating a battle station that is about 900 kilometers wide, but I know that you would want to leave corridors big enough for massive construction equipment and starships to travel through. So to simplify it, the Rebels took a shortcut through a construction zone to take down the core. Also, it's impossible to deny how awesome it looks to see those Imperial fighters chase the Rebels through that giant superstructure and then in turn have a wall of fire chasing them both back the other way. What an exciting scene in general.

Obligatory McQuarrie Piece

3) They're in space, why would the big Star Destroyer crash into the Death Star: You may remember the scene (especially if you just watched the video) where a rebel piloting an A-Wing crashes into the bridge of the Super Star Destroyer after its shields are brought down and then subsequently it crashes down into the Death Star II. The first reason why this would probably happen is gravity. Not only are they in orbit of a planet but they are also in a secondary orbit of a gigantic space station. This would undoubtedly lend to some sort of pull that would cause the SSD to crash. I am no scientist but I know that big things in space create gravitational pulls and that this is no exception. Secondly, remember back to Episode 4: A New Hope (Or just Star Wars for those of you old enough to remember it as such) with me for a second... X-Wing and Y-Wing fighters (specifically Red Squadron and Gold Squadron) descend on the monstrous battle station and when they get to a relatively close distance, there is a disturbance in their flight path and Red Leader exclaims "We are passing through their magnetic field." Well then... A magnetic field. The Rebel fighters were shaken when passing through said field on the first Death Star which was approximately 160 Kilometers in diameter, so I can only imagine that a very large ship without power would also be effected by the magnetic field that was created by the second Death Star which is said to measure in at 900 Kilometers in diameter. Like I said, I'm no scientist, but in a movie where teddy bears destroy mechanized war machines with primitive weapons I am more than fine with these explanations.


So there you have it. The three "jokes" I hear the most about The Battle of Endor and what I have to say about them. What are some scenes from some movies you feel are explained but most people think are just illogical? What are your favorite scenes in Star Wars? What should I write about next? Answer these questions and use your internet rights to complain about everything I just said. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. With that, I leave you with an infinite "YeeHaw!" and awkward Sullustian laugh.

The Force Will Be With You, Always

"Check Out that Orcs Polygon Count!" or Why Practical Effects are better than CGI

Does new and flashy always mean better or more engaging? No way. It is a fairly well known fact that I like watching movies an incredible amount. Slightly less well known is that I prefer the use of practical effects over the likes computer generated effects. Some would argue that this is all because of nostalgia. I grew up watching films with models and make-up, so my view is skewed.  I won't deny that this is statement carries some truth, but, I would say that instead of just a state of nostalgia it is a state of being spoiled by cinema masterpieces. I want to get one thing straight before I dive into this, however. I am not talking about the quality of computer work from one movie to another, I am talking the use of practical vs digital effects. I've seen my fair share of the less-than-B-Roll horror flicks made for the Syfy channel (Seriously, what does syfy mean? It's okay to stay the Sci-Fi Channel) and I will not be tearing into them in this post. I mean, that's just another thing altogether...

5th Grade Photoshop or Birdemic(2011)?

Rather, this post will be examining my opinions on movies that I know had budgets larger than my emergency fund and their choices to go with digital effects in the place of practical effects. Specifically, Star Wars: I-III  and the Hobbit films. Let's begin...

Now, not sticking to the list order that I established in the prior paragraph, let's talk about the Hobbit and why the visuals just aren't as good as the Lord of the Rings trilogy. First of all, I would like to say that I feel Fellowship, Towers, and King are the perfect balance of practical effects and CGI. Creatures that would be too difficult to make lifelike with practical effects were handled with some awesome computer graphics (i.e. The Balrog of Morgoth), with the same approach being used on hordes of enemies in distant shots where it wasn't quite so easy to see they weren't actually physical beings. My complaint about the Hobbit that isn't a problem in LOTR can be summed up with one word: Orcs. We all know and love Orcs as the Stormtrooperesque cannon-fodder of Middle Earth and that our heroes chop them to bits yet maintain a PG-13 rating since they're not quite human, but there was just something different about them in the Hobbit... Oh yeah. They weren't really there! I will admit that there were some practical Orcs in the movie but that was practically negated by the fact that their merry old band leader Azog the claw handed was a severely bland looking CG monster. Supposedly they filmed everything with Azog as an actual person in makeup but then had to go back over and digitally change him because they didn't like the way he looked. Newsflash: CG Azog isn't much better. Every single Orc in LOTR is unique to itself in one way or another and seems alive and real. You can't tell me Lurtz making a trollface at the end of Fellowship when he's about to blast Boromir in the jugular from pointblank range isn't more terrifying than Azog creepin on the Dwarves.

There's something about a creature being physically there with the actors that makes them even scarier.I thought maybe when Desolation of Smaug came out we might get a breath of fresh air when they introduced Azog's son, Bolg...

"Never have I been so wrong..."

  I guess since he was his son I should have known he would be CGI too. I guess it's genetic. The reasoning behind this one was actually just that; "Daddy is CGI so we need to make Azog Jr. bland too." There was actually an actor who filmed the whole movie in full makeup who was just covered up by CGI. He even looked awesome!

Look at him! He looks frightening! This is an amazing achievement in costume and makeup design! I can't wait to see him in the movie!

"Lulz"

Wait... What? That's it? If I was that actor I would be ticked off beyond belief. "Nah, it's okay. You can completely erase me from the follow up to one of the biggest film trilogies of this generation." What a George Lucas move. Before we move on to our next film, I also want to lay down a side complaint: Goblins. The goblins in Unexpected Journey are a joke compared to the ones in Moria. People are telling me things like "Well they're a different breed." That's cool. Their king also looks like the Ballchinian from Men in Black 2.

One last thing. Lurtz.

Childhood Nightmare Fuel